How (Not) To De-Fuzz Your Face

My Mum was horrified after I confirmed her my newly acquired Ending Contact Facial Hair Remover.

“You possibly can’t shave your face!” she cried. “Why can’t you simply use nail scissors like everybody else?”

Pause for impact.

Can we please get a present of palms from anybody – anybody in any respect – who makes use of a pair of nail scissors to remain on prime of their facial hair? I assumed not. She couldn’t have picked a extra impractical software. It’s like going to battle brandishing a chainsaw – there’s extra probability of maiming your self than profitable the battle.

“I simply maintain the scissors like this,” she stated, her head again and her chin thrown excessive, “and snip as near the basis of the hair as I can.”

“You possibly can’t even see the place you’re snipping,” I stated, ‘you’ll find yourself reducing off one thing vital!”

“Properly I take advantage of a mirror, clearly.”

Mum’s snipping technique is flawed in some ways: firstly the chance of harm is excessive, even with the usage of a mirror. Maybe particularly with the usage of a mirror, as a result of everyone knows how even the only of duties turns into not possible when you’re relying in your reflection to information you.

Then there’s the truth that you’re not even attending to the basis of the issue, simply reducing off the seen half. It’s a bit like weeding by pulling off the highest bits. Does my Mum go across the backyard strimming over the dandelions? No she doesn’t. She goes about on her knees, pulling the entire thing out.

And eventually (although I can in all probability consider many extra issues with the scissor technique), how bloody lengthy should it take to de-hair a median chin and moustache space? Days! I’d be tempted to open out the scissor blades and slide them alongside my pores and skin for pace’s sake, old style cut-throat razor model.

“God I don’t do my total face!” stated my Mum. “You simply do the longest hairs, you daft factor. Those which are a number of centimetres or very darkish.”

This is the reason now we have totally different elimination strategies, then: angle in the direction of facial hair. Mum: proud of the same old facial fuzz. The stuff that we’ve all had, in all probability from a younger age, however that 4K HD TV and hi-res telephone cameras have step by step made me hyper-aware of. She solely irks on the longest, blackest of hairs – the remainder is simply thought of regular, like having eyes, or legs.

“You wouldn’t shave these off.”

My downside is that I have a look at my face intimately almost each single day. It’s a part of my job. I ought to disclose right here that I’m not a very furry individual and my colouring is kind of honest, however as a result of I check make-up and skincare I do spend plenty of time watching zoomed-in pictures and movies of myself. And when it’s not pictures and movies it’s the bloody magnifying mirror, aka The Portal of Doom, checking whether or not or not a brand new basis that I’m testing has crept into fantastic traces or migrated into the oilier patches. And so not solely do I see the longest and blackest of hairs (although mine are usually white, like Father Christmas) I additionally see the plush thackets of peach fuzz, so dense they’re like velvet.

I left the peach fuzz for some time as a result of it did look like overkill to begin taking that off; I plucked on the longer hairs with my tweezers (positively my advice over nail scissors) and I ignored the fuzz. However then I began plucking the marginally longer bits of fuzz in addition to the hairs, particularly within the aspect tache space, and earlier than I knew it I used to be plucking all of the peach fuzz out with my tweezers. It was taking ages and was really fairly painful after some time….

…therefore the brand new Ending Contact shaver. I haven’t really charged it as much as strive but, such was the ferocity of my mom’s response to it. I believe she has visions of me doing a full shave routine, utilizing a kind of badger brushes to lather my face up, leaning in in the direction of the mirror like Determined Dan. White vest, gun belt slung over the towel rail, ten gallon hat resting on the shelf above the sink.

However I’ve began with the mass-tweezing and so now there isn’t a retreat. The moustache hairs come again barely sharper, in order that while you’re watching TV you could find your self stroking your stubble – for that’s what it’s – correctly, like an previous sage about to make a pertinent assertion.

The one manner ahead is to proceed with the entire eradication approach – however with my new shaver will probably be like (hopefully) utilizing a lawnmower somewhat than a pair of long-handled secateurs. Speedy. Environment friendly. Painless.

I’ll maintain you all up to date, if solely to horrify my Mum.